One of my very early memories must be from when I was 2 or 3. I was having the time of my life playing with this red balloon when I woke up. All I remember is that the dream was so real and so vivid that made the sense of loss real and unbearable. The feeling of losing something that I have never actually had but only the experience of it so very real that I remember it much later.

Decades later!

     She leaned over on me, lying on the couch, as if she was reaching for something on the other side of the couch. We seemed to have no regards for the other people in the room; though her long, dark brown hair made a private shelter around our faces. Our foreheads touched for a second. She stopped.

She closed the gap between our faces ever so slowly. I started to feel her warm breath against my skin. Her face started to slide down. I was thinking to myself, how far is this going to go when her upper lip touched my lower lip on a single point as if by accident. Time stopped!

Hard to tell how long we froze there breathless but the single point of contact moved slightly at first and then started dancing softly between one lip over another. The concept of time was lost in this dance but all my senses seem to be confined to that one minuscule singularity.

The single touch point between her upper and my lower lip started to move inward far enough so that I could grab her upper lip between my lips; a very gentle squeeze and she responded the same on my lower lip between hers.

The most sensual, however tender kiss was formed for few seconds and then it disappeared much like a tiny spark over a huge flame. She leaned back, staring into my eyes: “Now you ruined everything!” – no blame or regret but a faint and very familiar smile on her face.

     I opened my eyes, turned my head and the same sense of loss from forty odd years ago filled every cell in my body.

“Who was she?”

The alarm clock went off.

Loss – 201701201400


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